The post-marathon blues

And managing the weight of "what's next" as a 30-year old married female...

Anyone who’s tackled a big life goal knows this feeling of sudden sadness and emptiness that we marathoners feel after ticking off another 26.2. Training for and then racing a marathon is an intense experience - full of mental, physical, emotional, and sometimes even spiritual highs and lows. But a few days after a big race, the finish line euphoria naturally subsides, and you start to slip into a psychological hangover called the “post-race blues”.

Curing my post-Boston blues with early morning sunrises, long walks, time by the pool, Archie cuddles, and overpriced iced lattes

Marathon running is a funny thing because as grizzy as running 22 miles at 5:30am on a Saturday morning may seem, the Saturday mornings without it feel weirdly empty. The routine of the long run, 5am mornings, and post-run coffee chats with running friends, all while making incremental progress towards such a massive goal provides a sense of fulfillment that is hard to quantify.

In my brief marathoning experience, I’ve learned that the best way to cure the post-race blues is to set a new running goal by signing up for another race. Typically after a marathon, I take a week off running, then follow my coach’s recovery plan by adding in a handful of super easy runs per week, slowly building back to my usual weekly load for my next race — Monday medium long run, Tuesday recovery run, Wednesday speed workout, Thursday recovery run, Friday rest, Saturday long run, and Sunday recovery run. A LOT of running (I know!), yet it feels so routine now that it hardly phases me. The muscle memory of the long runs feels as similar as riding a bike.

But this time around, getting back to the grind feels different, and I’m conflicted on my decision to do it. As I’m approaching my 31st birthday in June, I keep asking myself — should I be doing this again right now?

If you found me on Instagram, you may know that I’m currently registered to run the Chicago Marathon this coming October. I got a bib for the Chicago Marathon with my qualifying time from the Eugene Marathon last April, where I raced a personal best of 3:24 (which I also used to run Boston this year!). After coming off a very strong training block for Boston, I’m feeling fitter than ever and know that I’m capable of a big PR in Chicago.

But for the first time, I feel guilty and selfish pursuing another marathon PR. Should I be doing this, when my fertility is a ticking time bomb and already struggling from years of PCOS?

After my first Substack post, I got an influx of DMs about how I manage PCOS with all the running. For those unfamiliar, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a lifelong hormonal condition that affects 6–12% of women of reproductive age in the U.S. and is widely understood to be a leading cause of infertility in women.

I was first diagnosed with PCOS in April 2020 back when Charlie and I were living in London. I initially thought I was experiencing situational depression from the stress of the pandemic — living in London during COVID while trying to re-plan our would-have-been fairy tale wedding in Greenwich was a very low point for me. My symptoms included acne, irregular periods, weight gain, anxiety, mild depression, and sleeping problems. After seeing an OBGYN for my irregular periods, I finally got an ultrasound and learned that I had “polycystic” ovaries — aka PCOS.

COVID in London on our once-daily trips outside to "exercise".... oh what a time

For me, I believe running has actually helped my PCOS because it’s kept me in such a healthy routine by training like an athlete (vs. working out for aesthetics or weight loss/management). And while my primary symptoms have since subsided through a combination of healthy eating, exercise, a regular sleep schedule, stress management, and of course some medical intervention (more on that later…), I haven’t been able to kick the infertility piece.

So now, I’m at a fork in the road and starring down the barrel of what feels like a tough decision — do I forfeit my fitness for the foreseeable future and go all in on fertility treatments this summer? Or do I go “full send” one more time for Chicago, and deal with this problem later? Do I even have time to do this later? Or can I handle both at once???

This decision is of course full of pro’s, con’s, and opinions from my close circle of family and friends — all of whom are always supportive, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the weight of being almost 31, married, and still not pregnant.

So the questions remain — is it selfish to want to do this again in October? Will I regret it later? Am I letting other people down in doing so? Am I letting myself down in not?

The jury is still out on all of the above. But what I do know is being a female marathoner at age 30 something is one weird conundrum, and one that I’m currently struggling with.

I hope that this post will serve as a helping hand for anyone else struggling with a similar mental burden. You’re not alone, and I know I’m not either. My strategy right now is simply to take it one day at a time. Onward! :)

xxxx, Tay

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Quote of the week:

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” – Katharine Hepburn

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This week’s hit list:

What I’m listening to: I’ve come back to this podcast on managing PCOS with diet and exercise many times by Natalie Crawford, who is fertility physician at Fora Fertility based in Austin — “Understanding and Managing PCOS”. Her podcast is a great resource for anyone looking to learn more about PCOS and fertility generally.

What I’m reading: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less — this book explains the systematic discipline for discerning what is absolutely essential, then eliminating everything that is not, so we can make the highest possible contribution toward the things that really matter. A great read for anyone struggling with distraction or feeling overwhelmed.

What I’m eating/drinking: I still haven’t gotten my appetite back post-marathon, but I’ve weirdly been craving french fries? So my diet this week has been off to say the least, but french fries have primarily featured, usually with some form of fried chicken sandwich?

my favorite fried chicken sandwich, wit a side of fries and a yummy local Pilsner by the pool in Palmetto Bluff , SC <3

What I’m loving: Sleep. Holy sh%t I’m tired this week. Sleep is the #1 recovery tool. Without the right amount (7-9 hrs for most athletes), nothing else will move the needle as it relates to recovery. It also affects our hormones, immune system, learning and memory, mood, appetite, and weight regulation. I’m usually a 5am morning kinda gal, but that’s slipped recently with my body craving some extra zzz’s. So I’m using the next few weeks to lean in, and accept the later mornings with ease.